Teaching children ‘good’ behaviour beyond punishment and rewards

Teaching children ‘good’ behaviour beyond punishment and rewards

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Introduction

Behaviour describes the acts or reactions of an individual, usually a living thing, in response to its surroundings or outside influences. This includes a wide range of internal and observable actions and practices. Behaviour can be transparent or hidden, conscious or unconscious, deliberate or involuntary in humans as well as animals.

Understanding behaviour is crucial across many fields, including psychology, sociology, education, and medicine. It helps in diagnosing and treating mental health issues, improving educational outcomes, designing better workspaces, and enhancing interpersonal relationships. A deep understanding of behaviour allows for more effective interventions and encourages well-being and positive outcomes in individuals and communities.

Behaviour is influenced by various factors including:

  • Biological Factors: Genetics, brain chemistry, and physical health can significantly influence behaviour.
  • Psychological Factors: Individual personality traits, emotions, perceptions, and cognitive processes play a crucial role in shaping behaviour.
  • Social Factors: Family, culture, societal norms, and peer influences can greatly affect an individual’s behaviour.
  • Environmental Factors: External conditions, including the physical environment and life experiences, impact behaviour.

Why does everyone speak about ‘good’ behaviour? What is it all about? ‘Good behaviour’ in children can vary somewhat depending on cultural, societal, and individual family values. There are a few widely accepted characteristics and actions that are viewed positively in children and reflect their emotional, social, and cognitive development.

What is considered to be ‘good’ behaviour?

Good behaviour is key to personal development, effective social interactions, and the creation of a positive and productive society. The qualities listed provide a basic structure that is widely applicable and accepted around the world, cutting across social and cultural divides. This is especially true in Indian culture, where particular principles are highly valued. In this context, showing respect and regard for the knowledge and experience of older generations through respect for elders is not just a characteristic but an essential element of social interaction. Being actively involved and participating in one’s community is praised as an indication of unity and collective responsibility.

1. Respect

Children show respect by listening when others are speaking, valuing other people’s opinions and possessions, and treating others with kindness and consideration. This extends to showing respect for their environment, including taking care of their belongings and being mindful of communal spaces.

2. Empathy and Compassion

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, while compassion is prompting children to take action to help someone in need. Children who exhibit empathy and compassion may show concern for a friend who is sad or offer to share their belongings with others.

3. Responsibility

Taking responsibility for one’s actions and duties is a significant part of ‘good’ behaviour. This includes following through on tasks or chores, admitting when they’ve made a mistake, and trying to make changes. Responsibility also involves personal hygiene and taking care of their belongings.

Teaching children ‘good’ behaviour beyond punishment and rewards

4. Cooperation

Cooperation involves working well with others, sharing, taking turns, and positively contributing to group activities. It is most important for successful interactions at home, in school, and play. Children who cooperate well with others are often able to form and maintain healthy relationships.

5. Curiosity and a Passion for Learning

A desire to explore, ask questions, and learn new things is often seen as a positive characteristic. It reflects an open, engaged mind and is critical for cognitive development. Encouraging curiosity helps children become lifelong learners.

6. Independence and Initiative

Being able to do things by themselves and taking the initiative to start activities or solve problems are important aspects of ‘good’ behaviour. They show that a child is gaining autonomy and can think and act independently.

7. Patience and Determination

The ability to wait for what one wants and to keep trying in the face of difficulties or failures is valuable for achieving goals. It shows that children can delay gratification and are resilient, which are key aspects of successful adulthood.

Guiding children towards positive behaviour beyond punishment and rewards

Parenting practices have always revolved around the contradictions of reward and punishment. This method, which is ingrained in society, reflects the desire for moral instruction and discipline. On the other hand, newer studies and educational theories indicate that encouraging children to behave in a “good” way goes beyond the conventional conflict of punishment and reward. Here are some alternative methods that are more aligned with holistic child development:

1. Understanding the Perspective

In India, the joint family system and the emphasis on collectivism play important roles in child-rearing. The concept of “Sanskar” or moral and ethical training is ultimate. However, as Indian society navigates the crossroads of tradition and modernity, there is a growing recognition of the need for parenting approaches that nurture empathy, self-awareness, and resilience in children.

2. Embracing Emotional Intelligence

The first step towards teaching good behaviour without resorting to punishment and reward is fostering emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves recognizing, understanding, and managing one’s emotions and empathizing with others. Parents and educators can encourage children to express their feelings openly and teach them to name their emotions accurately. This practice can help children understand the impact of their actions on others, promoting empathy and social awareness.

3. Cultivating Mindfulness

Mindfulness has universal applicability and immense value in teaching children self-regulation and awareness. Through simple practices like breathing exercises, mindful eating, and sensory activities, children can learn to be present in the moment. This awareness helps them regulate their responses to stimuli, reducing impulsive behaviour.

4. Promoting Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation refers to doing something because it is inherently interesting or enjoyable, not because of external pressures or rewards. Children can be encouraged to pursue activities that align with their interests and values, encouraging a sense of fulfillment and purpose. For example, instead of rewarding children for reading, parents can instill a love for stories by reading together and discussing the ideas in the books, thereby making the activity rewarding.

5. Teach Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for children to learn self-discipline and respect for others. However, these boundaries should be established through open communication and mutual respect. Parents can involve children in the decision-making process, explaining the reasons behind certain rules and the consequences of not following them. This approach encourages children to take ownership of their behaviour.

6. Exhibit Behaviour

Children learn a great deal by observing the adults around them. Hence, exhibiting the behaviour that we wish to instill in our children is perhaps the most potent form of teaching. Practicing patience, empathy, and respect in our daily interactions sets a powerful example for children to emulate.

7. Involve in Community Engagement

Community plays a significant role, involving children in community service and cultural activities can teach them valuable life skills and social responsibility. Participating in community kitchens, environmental drives, and cultural festivals can instill a sense of belonging and teach children the importance of giving back to society.

Conclusion

Moving beyond punishment and reward requires a structural shift in our approach to parenting and education. It involves nurturing a child’s inner world, understanding their unique perspectives, and guiding them toward becoming empathetic, responsible, and self-aware individuals. In India, where family and community hold significant power, this holistic approach can apply these strengths to encourage good behaviour in children, preparing them not just for academic success but for a fulfilling life. It involves a continuous process of learning, self-reflection, and adaptation to encourage a world where empathy, respect, and cooperation prevail.

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